"I’d like a coffee please", states the elderly woman politely in, as you would expect in Italy, German.
We have just stopped at an Italian motorway service station, come café shortly before the Austrian border, and are standing in the queue. It is our last chance for decent coffee before returning home. That there are Germans in the queue is obvious. There is a queue. In Italy. An elderly, particularly frazzled looking couple has reached the counter before us and begun placing their order.
"Would that be an espresso, cappuccino or latte?", asks the cashier in perfect German.
"No a coffee."
"Yes but is that coffee an espresso, cappuccino or latte?"
"Noooo, coofffffeeeeee!!! Cofffffeeee!!", as if the only intelligence the cashier could ever obtain would be by working as an agent for the CIA.
"Yes madame I understand, but what type of coffee would you like: an espresso, cappuccino or latte?"
"I want coffee! Cofffffeeee!!"
Her exasperated husband then intervenes:
"Oh just take the cappuccino, they have milk in them don’t they?".
Great coffee. These are two words generally not well understood in Germany, even when the German words toller Kaffee are used instead. I am very disappointed. Work is so boring and I am so tired from the German lessons and busy weekends, I could really do with some decent espresso to keep me awake during the day. After being spoilt by contemporary Kiwi coffee culture, I had expected, with such proximity to Italy, the same in Germany. But then I am, according to the Frau, a coffee snob, if she is feeling generous, an unusual state for her. If, on the other hand, Mr G. from the Three Dwarfs is present, I am labelled a Coffee Nazi. In capitals.
Although I suppose I should not complain too much about German coffee. In the 50s and 60s appreciation of good coffee was at another level. Back then many German visitors to Italy took their own packets of instant coffee into the ristorante. To ensure they got good coffee. And in the 70s asking for a cappuccino in a German café would result in the delivery of black water with a dollop of whipped cream. In fact even today in many German cafés, it is necessary to specify whether the cappuccino is with or without cream.
Although German coffee appreciation has definitely improved from those early times, this is not always apparent. Not that we Kiwis can really claim to have a long history of good coffee. Back in my teenage years, percolated, or filter, coffee was exotic and Nescafé was the norm. As a teenager, I used to get excited at the prospect of visiting a café and drinking the exotic perc coffee. (As you might guess I went to an all boys school). Not that we quite reached the level of taking instant coffee into a ristorante. No the Kiwi coffee culture, and my conversion to coffee nazism are fairly recent phenomenons. When I first returned to New Zealand for a visit after two and half years away I find the coffee related terms commonly used in Italy or Germany of little use. Hmm, so much for being a knowledgeable Coffee Nazi I think as I stare confused at the drinks menu of the first café I go into. Where is the espresso? ...